he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
