I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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