Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
