I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
