I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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