i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
