idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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