Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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