my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
