these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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