last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
