My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
