Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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