ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
