I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
