Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
