I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize