Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize