he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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