Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
