you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
