found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize