I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
