dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
