I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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