Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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