this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize