I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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