2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
