it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
