he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
