So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
