he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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