I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
