On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
