You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
