I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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