You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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