anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
