If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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