Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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