I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
