....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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