This is not my ceiling
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
