i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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