I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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