maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
