im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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