the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
