my phone needs a breathalizer
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize