I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
