There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
