I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
