I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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