i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
even my farts smell like vagina
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
