in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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