i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
