found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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