No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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