im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
