I bet he comes in French.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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