it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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