I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
