I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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