so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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