I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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