I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
