Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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