She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
