Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
