It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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