Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That accounts for only three of the penises
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
