I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
