Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
