these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
