just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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