It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
