He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
