I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize