Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
