ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
