Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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