Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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