I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Holy sore nipples Batman
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
