Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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