i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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