Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
