Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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