Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
