Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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