i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
