Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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