Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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