he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
