Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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