everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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