it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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