The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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