More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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