what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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