Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Someone came in the potted fern
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
