She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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