the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize