I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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