somebody snuck up and got me drunk
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize