I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
